Solembum

Any toughts about solembum?

'Can I copy the homework?'

Saphira: I can help you with it!

Eragon: Yeah, sure.

Murtagh: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Angela: lol nope.

Thorn: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Solembum: *Read 5:55pm*

Saphira: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

Eragon: Nope, absolutely not.

Murtagh: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

Thorn: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

Angela: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

Solembum: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

Saphira: Eragon... How do I begin to explain Eragon?

Murtagh: Eragon is flawless.

Thorn: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000.

Angela: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan.

Solembum: One time he punched me in the face... it was awesome.

*Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’*

Saphira: Thanks!

Eragon: oh no

Murtagh: *cries* I love you too

Thorn: Sounds fake but okay

Angela: *A flustered mess*

Solembum: can I get a refund

Saphira: Hewwo.

Eragon: Hihiiiiii!

Murtagh: Greetings, Humans.

Angela: Three kinds of people.

Thorn: I want pudding.

Saphira: Four kinds of people.

Solembum: WHAT’S UP F*CKERS?

Angela: Five kinds of people.

Saphira: We need to distract these guys

Eragon: Leave it to me

Eragon: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Murtagh, Thorn, and Angela: *Immediately begin arguing*

Solembum, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

Saphira: Time for plan G.

Eragon: Don’t you mean plan B?

Saphira: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Murtagh: What about plan D?

Saphira: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Thorn: What about plan E?

Saphira: I’m hoping not to use it. Angela dies in plan E.

Solembum: I like plan E.

Saphira: Who the f*ck added me to a f*ck*ng group chat?

Eragon: >:O language

Murtagh: Yeah watch your f*ck*ng language

Thorn: OKAY WHO TAUGHT MURTAGH THE F*CK WORD?

Angela: 'The f*ck word'.

Solembum: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Murtagh: Oh my god he censored it

Angela: Say f*ck, Solembum.

Murtagh: Do it, Solembum. Say f*ck.

Saphira: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world!

Eragon: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment.

Murtagh: More or less, I guess...

Thorn: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that!

Angela: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept.

Solembum: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Saphira: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Eragon: ...I did. I broke it.

Saphira: No. No you didn't. Murtagh?

Murtagh: Don't look at me. Look at Thorn.

Thorn: What?! I didn't break it.

Murtagh: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Thorn: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Murtagh: Suspicious.

Thorn: No, it's not!

Angela: If it matters, probably not, but Solembum was the last one to use it.

Solembum: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Angela: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Solembum: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Angela!

Eragon: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Saphira.

Saphira: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Angela: Saphira... Murtagh's been awfully quiet.

Murtagh: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Saphira, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Saphira: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Saphira:

Saphira: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Saphira: Rules are made to be broken.

Eragon: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken.

Murtagh: Uh, piñatas.

Thorn: Glow sticks.

Angela: Karate boards.

Solembum: Spaghetti when you have a small pot.

Saphira: Rules.

Eragon:

Saphira: *Posts a super low-quality image to the group chat*

Eragon: If I had a dollar for every pixel in this image, I’d have 15 cents

Saphira: If I had a dollar for every ounce of rage I felt in my body after I read this text, I would have enough money to buy a cannon to fire at you

Murtagh: Actually I did the math, Eragon would have $225, not $0.15.

Eragon: Fam I’m right here....

Thorn: If I had a dollar I would buy a can of soda :)

Saphira: while you’re there could you buy me an apply juice please?

Thorn: Sorry I only have a dollar

Saphira: :(

Murtagh: Hey I just realized my friend is right, Eragon would have $22,500 because it's a dollar for every pixel, not a cent

Thorn: If I had $22,500 I would buy a can of soda and an apply juice

Murtagh: You can buy anything you want with $22,500

Angela: Yeah and they want soda and apply juice

Murtagh: Apply juice to what

Solembum: Directly to the forehead

Eragon: Great chat everyone

*The squad right before Saphira's wedding*

Eragon: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.

Murtagh: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!

Thorn: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well

Angela: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND

Solembum, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

Saphira: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Eragon: What if it bites me and it dies!?

Murtagh: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Eragon, learn to listen.

Thorn: What if it bites itself and I die?

Angela: That’s voodoo.

Solembum: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Eragon: That’s correlation, not causation.

Thorn: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Angela:

Saphira: Oh my God.

Saphira, walking into her house: Hello, people who do not live here.

Eragon: Hey.

Murtagh: Hi.

Thorn: Hello.

Angela: Hey!

Saphira: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!

Solembum: We were out of Doritos

*The squad is over at Saphira's house*

Eragon: Ohhhh, we each get our own oven?

Saphira: ... N-No...

Saphira, laughing: How many ovens do you think I have???

Eragon, motioning to their kitchen: Three, I thought!

Murtagh: I see a-

Saphira, motioning to one device: This is a microwave.

Eragon: Oh, well I-

Saphira: Hey wait wait, actually- hang on- *fiddles with the buttons on the microwave*

Saphira, amazed: Its got a bake setting!

Thorn: Ohoho, you learn something new every day!

Angela: Do we- Do we roshambo for who gets to pick first?

Saphira: Now I've just discovered I have more ovens than I thought, we don't have to roshambo nothin!

Saphira: I am someone who owns four ovens...

Saphira, louder and way too happy: I am someone... who owns FOUR OVENS...

Saphira: I didn't know I was so rich with ovens...

Solembum, pointing to another appliance: Also the toaster oven!

Saphira:

Eragon: Ohhh, toasty boy! Four- Five ovens!

Saphira:

Saphira, ECSTATIC: I AM SOMEONE WHO OWNS FIVE OVENS

Saphira: Dumbest scar stories, go!

Eragon: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Murtagh: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Thorn: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

Angela: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

Solembum:

Solembum: I have emotional scars.

Okay so this might be a bit far-fetched but Angela and Solembum may have a bond similar to Eragon and Saphira’s bond and this could be why they are so loyal to each-other, and also why they choose not to make formal alliances with anyone else. Other theories suggest that Angela is not human and this could explain why she was able to make this bond with Solembum. I thought of this at like four in the morning whilst reading inheritance (when Eragon is trying to figure out what the deal was with the Rock of Kuthian) and Solembum has blue eyes- could this be a side effect of the bond?